Let me start with “wow.” I just saw Dave Grossman speak, and I walked away with a whole lot of wow.
I love to learn. It’s what I believe to be the meaning of the tattoo on my right foot. Right foot was chosen on purpose because the karate folks told me that the right signifies the future. I intend to continue to learn.
That principle has lead to me to reading many things. A couple years back I read a book “On Killing” by Dave Grossman. I’d describe it as a theoretical analysis of the psychology of violence and response. It was fascinating to me. The perspective that he provides I’m sure comes from the his diverse background which includes being a retired army Lt. Col. (not like I really know what that means) as well as a psychology professor.
When yesterday I’d heard in passing that he was going to be in town giving a talk, I made prompt and shameless attempts to attach myself to it like a barnacle. I was a successful.
He was in town to talk about resiliency as it relates to post trauma such as Carr Fire. His perspective was pragmatic and well thought out. He’s speaking was dynamic. I’m so honored I was able to attend.
While he wasn’t in town to talk to child welfare social workers like myself, his information was still incredibly relevant to other folks.
He says that the base premise to being resilient is knowing purpose. It gives you the motivation to go out and do the hard things every day. “You have chosen a life of sacrifice, you must believe your work is noble and worthy.” He talked about that thing that drives you to get out and do the hard things for reasons other than money or fame.
He described PTSD as “the gift that keeps on giving” in discussing how it impacting those around you. To help drive the point home he added “it’s like herpes.”
In working in a field with a strong emphasis on trauma, I was interested to hear his take on response to traumatic episodes. He discussed the importance of self fulfilling prophecies. “If you believe your work will destroy you, it already has started.” If you tell yourself you’ll be unable to deal with the trauma you’ve experienced, you’re right.
Thankfully, the converse is also true. Telling ourselves that it’s worth it, and that we’re stronger for our experiences will also be true.
In talking about response to trauma, he emphasized the importance of being there for those who need it, and the necessity of not playing in to cultural constructs of “pity party” or “macho man.” Get help if you need it, but go in to it believing that you’ll be stronger for the experiences you’ve had. The philosophy he stated sums this belief up is “post traumatic growth.” I had a real Keanu Reeves “whoa” moment, “Why is the army guy introducing me to this concept? Shouldn’t I as a social worker already know?” Post. Traumatic. GROWTH! Bad thing happened, and it made you the rock star you are. I think we’ve been aware of the concept, but this was the first time I’d heard it named.
I appreciated his perspective about our mid brains, the part that takes over when we’re in a state of trauma. He calls it our puppy. He said that trying to rationalize with someone when they’re in mid brain state is like trying to argue with someone’s dog. Through the mail slot. He normalized the puppy reaction we all have and talked about techniques to “leash the puppy.”
“‘This is normal’ these are some of the most healing words on the planet.” He likened knowledge about what to expect post trauma to a vaccine. Stress inoculation and normalization of responses are keys to success.
A parallel was made about how you can reach out to someone for help and still get benefit even if they haven’t been in your shoes. “If I’m shot and go to the doctor, I’m not going to tell the doctor he can’t work on me because he’s never been shot.” Another Keanu “whoa.”
He wrapped up by imploring people to fight for their own well-being. Fight. The only thing we can control is our reaction. When the bad thing happens will we respond with malevolence? Or with a strong conviction of caring for ourselves so we can continue to care for others?
I’d recommend his reads. I grabbed a new (to me) book of his to add to my collection if anyone wants to read it when I’m done “Assassination Generation: Video Games, Aggression, and the Psychology of Killing” He also recommended keeping tourniquets on your person or in your purse, but that’s WAY outside my wheelhouse soooooooo,…..let Amazon help you there.
Bifocals and Barbells 