In the dramatic kidnapping movie, Liam Neeson threatens his enemy with words about his “very particular set of skills.” He’s talking about super cool action and violence skills, but I too have developed a very particular set of skills. And so has everyone else who was raised in Cottonwood or its rReasonable facsimiles. You got your Palo Cedros, your Happy Valleys, your SLC’s, your central California’s, and the like. They type of places where you don’t figure out how to ride the city bus, but where you figure out all sorts of other life skills. Here’s an intro to some of the particular skills.
Pick-ups and Dogs: Walk in a wide berth around pickup trucks. Everyone from the Cottonwoods of the world knows there’s a pretty good chance that there’s a dog in the back that believes he is sworn to protect that truck at all costs. Remember; he’s not in your house, you’re in his. The dog will feel purposeful if he causes you to soil yourself. Be especially cautious of trucks with marks carved in the side by said dog tracking his vanquished enemies.
Roadkill Management: Most important rule; don’t hesitate to cause road kill. Sure it’s sad to see an entire racoon family be taken out, but not near as sad as entering on-coming traffic. Roadkill management can be a little as having some awareness of your vehicles undercarriage clearance height so you can make informed decisions when barreling down on recently expired Bambi in the middle of Gas Point. Also, it’s okay if you’re not a person who’s inclined to pull a dead deer out of the road. But know that you can still do your part by parking behind your neighbor with your hazard lights on while he/she pulls the carcass away.
Hat Rules: Know your hat size. Doesn’t matter that you may never ever have sized hat, you still need to know or suffer the deserved judgement. The brims go forward. The only exception is when welding.
Learn How to Weld: It will come in handy. If you don’t know how to weld, make friends with someone who can.
Electricity: When public safety power shut offs started, it was not a big adjustment for folks of the Cottonwoods. Living in God’s country has resulted in power outages since the beginning of power. It’s likely there’s some logical reason for each outage, but to the Cottonwoodian, they always just seem inexplicable. Come home to clocks flashing, or finding the light switches ineffective when you hit them first thing in the morning. All. The. Time. We may have mocked the whole PSPS process. “Okay, so now we know when it will go out. That’s cool.” Also, if you are in the company of a Cottonwood-ite during a power outage, don’t be alarmed when their bathroom use changes. City folks may not know; in the Cottonwoods of the world; no power means no water. That’s right, many folks have wells. The water you have when the lights go out is it.
Gates: If you opened it, close it. If you are in the passenger seat, the gate is your job. C’woods may climb over gates. When that happens, climb on the gate on the side nearest to the hanging post. This lesson in ranchy physics reminds us that the further away we are from the hinge when we climb, the greater amount of pressure the hinge experiences. Thanks to the early quantum mechanics work of Bubba Archimedes, we can make sure that whatever is supposed to stay behind the gate can.
The examples of skills developed by, and for, the Cottonwoods of the world are limitless. This is certainly not an exhaustive list of C’wood skills. There are many other important aids such as “how to get your Panther Martin out of the bush it’s tangled in” or “strength training in case you ever need to pick up half a horse”, etc. But this list is a start. Keep in mind that your friends from the country may see things a little differently than others. Have patience with them. We may look confused at the self checkout at the grocery store, but we got your back if you ever need help with roadkill.
What other skills have you developed in your rustic life?
Thanks for reading!
Bifocals and Barbells 