“Happy mother’s day,” said the baby Walmart grocery pickup lady as she handed me a nice gift bag of candy I ate within 45 seconds.
I tried to do a quick assessment of if I was supposed to say “you too.” My apologies to Walmart lady if I denied her a fitting “Happy Mother’s Day,” but after my cost benefit analysis, I determined to not say it.
Am I overthinking things? Duh! It’s one of the only two modes I have, the other being “full send.” But time and life experience make me realize that you can’t just go flinging “mother’s day” sentiments out there all willy nilly.
It is 100% accurate that we all have at least one mom and at least one dad. But that’s where it stops as far as things we can count on.
Beyond that, anything else is presumptive.
Some people choose not to have children. Some people desperately want to make their own but their bodies aren’t going with the program. Some people make humans in times when the universe has decided (for one reason or another) that it’s not their season. Cultural norms, addictions, life circumstances, and absence of support can result in women finding themselves in a spot where they aren’t able to raise the humans they grew in their body.
I count myself as incredibly lucky. When it came time to become a parent; it was planned for, miraculously successful, and embraced by my circles. (not that I had any extra strangeness that means my baby growing stories were in any way more challenging than anyone else’s….it’s just when you think about it….how humans are created is pretty f’n wild!)
I’m not sure if you’ve heard about my kids, but they’re pretty incredible. (See,…it’s funny because they’re about all I talk about).
When I look at how they got to be the amazing people they are, I have to be honest and say that it’s not because of how their dad and I raised them, but more likely in spite of our efforts.
We didn’t go out of our way to make them need therapy; but like every parent we did the best we could with the resources we bring to the table. We set the examples and hoped for the best. I’ve said it before, their teen years felt absolutely like showing up for a big final when you’re fixing to find out if you’ve studied hard enough for the test that’s about to come. “I took my prenatal vitamins. We’ve worked hard. We signed them up for hopefully the exact right amount of extracurricular activity. Hopefully not buying those f’n extra spring school pictures doesn’t result in them turning to a life of crime.” Notwithstanding my overthinking, they turned out way better than I could hope for.
But that’s just my experience.
Mother’s Day makes me think of my moms. One who desperately wanted a kid who is married to a man who (despite how he grumbles sometimes) desperately wants to make her happy. They didn’t stop at anything until they built the family they wanted. They made every sacrifice they could to create environments in which we all could thrive. If you’ve ever thought that I’m a tad over-confident, thank my mom. She instilled in the core of belief that we possess the ability to accomplish anything we set our minds to.
But I also think of my other mom. The one for whom I was a secret. The one whose extreme sacrifice led to the happiness of another family. If she had random well-intended Walmart ladies wish her a happy mother’s day, I hope it didn’t sting too badly. She did a great thing and was braver than most could ever be. I simply cannot imagine what it must have been like for her. I want to make better for her any unsettledness she may have felt in her time. I can’t do that, but I can make the best attempts I can to live well for all my parents. I can also continue to bask in the blessing that is getting to know the rest of her/our family. Not kidding, this stuff is better than what they write in movies.
So on this day, I want to hope the best for every mom out there regardless of how their story is written. You grew a human (or you cherish your humans/fur-babies/etc. with an unmatched ferocity), be proud of a job well done. And for all y’all; please take a second today to recognize not only your mom, but those moms for whom the day goes a little differently.
Thanks for reading!
Bifocals and Barbells 