With age comes perspective. There’s down sides to aging. Like being asked by the nice kid at the Goodwill if I want the senior discount. But the changing of perspective make the wrinkles worth it.
It’s fun to look back at how things used to make you feel or how you expected things would be and compare them to current status.
I was a baby when I worked at Tri Counties Bank in Raley’s. A baby who was trending towards adulthood, but not quite set. I was not yet a mom, but moms need things from Raley’s so I got to see lots of examples and form lots of uncooked opinions.
There was one unruly preschooler who was under no control of her parent. Said child climbed up on the carefully designed watermelon display, pulled down her shorts, and pissed on a whole stack of produce. In horror, I declared I would never let my kids behave like that.
I am pleased to report, that to my knowledge, my kids never emptied their bladders on groceries. However, they did plenty of things to help reset my thinking about what was in my control in parenting.
Maybe not surprisingly, most of my stories about the unauthorized behavior of my children involves someone whose name rhymes with Shirty. Not that Daniel was above shenanigan, he’s just far better at subtlety.
So as the years went on, I know that other people looked at my parenting and had their own moments of “I would never…!”
“Oh Crystal, you’re being dramatic. I’m sure that didn’t happen.”
Really?! Then how about the time at the BBQ when unnamed child was on a terror and the woman twisted her face to me, gestured towards my pre-schooler and said “is THAT yours?”
One of my favorite times I would have judged from the outside was when it was me and the boys at an agency event. My employer really supported our families being involved in our events. Context: at this point in my career, my job included coaching parents on interacting with children who’d been removed from their care. I was to use my training and education to help them elevate their parent/child interactions.
And,….scene!
My toe-headed 4 year old was playing baby air hockey with a kid with whom my agency was working. It was neat to stand beside the parents of the other child and watch our kids just exist in kid land. Until it wasn’t.
Young Derek has always preferred to win. So when he wasn’t, the situation was quickly devolving. I tried my verbal skills. Nothing. He threw his air hockey paddle at the other child. I scooped him up before it got worse. He was less than pleased. With many eyes on us at this point, he started to hit me and yelled out (and I quote), “Shit head mommy!”
To say parenting has humbled me is a gross understatement. But it’s not just the kid rearing things that I needed reset on.
Some folks are wired better than me and started with more humility. Some of us need to be still having such lessons repeatedly pounded into their heads. I’m the latter.
It would seem much of my adult life has been one exercise after another of the importance of perspective. I was never going to get a tattoo. I was never going to run a stop sign. I was never going to get another perm. I was never,…
It’s not just a matter of lowered expectations. Some of my “I would never…” still haven’t happened. I made it through kid-raising without the mini van. There is never laundry on my couch waiting to be folded.
But as I sit here trying to come up with other examples of things I said I would never do, it’s clear that I’ve said that less and less as time has gone on. Age has shown me that such absolutes are unreasonable and do not take into account human conditions that lead to people’s circumstances.
I’m very thankful for many of the experiences that have helped me reframe my opinions and given me greater understandings. And, I hope that as time goes on, I continue to grow in my insights. If I miss that mark, my secondary wish is that I never piss on a stack of watermelon at a grocery store, because I would never….!
Thanks for reading!
Bifocals and Barbells 