Hopefully I’m not the only one who gets randomly bamboozled by a song lyric from nearly 30 years ago. Also, hopefully I’m not the only one who sometimes just has songs in their head. Today’s cerebral concert was flavored (!) with a little Salt-N-Pepa.
Often when songs roll through my cranium, they’re subject to butchering by my memory. So when I hit the lines, “Yes it’s me that he’s always chosin’. With him I’m never losin’ and he knows that my name is not Susan”; I thought I had to be wrong.
It’s cool that it rhymes, I’ll give it that; buuuut….”He knows that MY NAME IS NOT SUSAN”!? Is that where we set the high water mark for who gets described as a “mighty good man”?!
I honestly don’t know if it’s Salt or Pepa who raps that lyric, but either one should be able to demand more from a partner than knowing her name. It was 1993 and a lot has changed since then, but c’mon ladies….no dude bonus points for knowing your name.
I can assume that it would be an honor for any 90’s woman to find themselves paired with someone with “a body like Arnold and a Denzel face,” but I’d like to think if it’s you that he’s really choosin’ there should be no question that your name is not Susan.
I finished my drive home/internal playlist and had the time to fall down an internet rabbit hole. I had to know if I had the lyrics wrong. A quick google was all that I needed; “my name is not Susan” and send….
Not only was that the right lyric, but also Whitney Houston has a whole “My Name is Not Susan” song. Who in the heck is this Susan? My 90’s history music adventure taught me that Salt-N-Pepa were harkening back to diva goddess Whitney being dissed by her lover accidentally calling her by his ex’s name; Susan. F’n Susan.
One or both of these options are the only explanation:
- Susan is a god among women easily confused for early 90’s Whitney Houston
- The dude who did it was an idiot. Really man? You’re chilling with Whitney Houston and you call her Susan?
But still Whitney didn’t have to add weight to dysfunction by making a song out of it. I mean, even Dolly’s Jolene was a 3rd person narrative. Susan must only have grown in her powers by being the source of a song. Neither Whitney, Salt, nor Pepa need to stoop to that level.
I want to take my social worker self back in time and talk to Salt and Pepa. I want them to know that what they tolerate is what they promote. I want to ship them all the inspirational quotes about knowing their value. Things like “When you know what you’re worth, you’ll stop giving people discounts” or whatever. Maybe even call them “Queen.” Any tactics whatsoever I could try so that they could know they can expect that they can have a partner who is both a “God sent original man of [their] dreams” and knows their name.
I know they didn’t need my help, and I hope me even thinking of the song today puts money in their well-deserving pockets. But I’m glad it came up so that conversation could start for whomever does need it. Folks, it’s okay to set an expectation that your person know your name. That’s not asking too much.
Unless of course you’re Susan. In that case; I hope someone “accidently” calls you Whitney, you Jezebel.
Thanks for reading!
Bifocals and Barbells 