I Don’t Know

Be brave enough to say “I don’t know.”

This is a note that I found in my phone today. It located in between a quote from the Nice Guys movie that made me laugh and a shopping list. I have no idea what compelled me to make it as a note. It’s my survival skill, the cornerstone upon which I base my entire existence. It’s not like I need to look at my phone to remind myself to say “I have no idea what’s going on,” but there is was nonetheless.

I just think it’s funny that I landed on it again today.

Tuesday starts a new role for me at work. A million years ago, when I promoted from a social worker to a supervisor, a sage woman with the wildest gray hair possible told me that she had never said “I don’t know” more in her entire life than she had in her first six months as a supervisor.

Clearly I thought this wouldn’t apply to me. I knew my job well, and I was eager to take on more. Even more clearly though, I was wrong.

Supervising is not the same as doing the job. Someone can be excellent at what they do, but that’s not an automatic translation to coaching. Doubt? Think of your favorite elite football (or other sport ball team) athletes. Look at their coaches. See that huge disparity in the two? One’s built like a marble statue and can move like apex predator. The other has a clipboard and quite possibly a beer gut. Proof positive that coaching and doing are two different skill sets.

As I was growing up as a baby supervisor, I was very thankful that I’d been given the tip that it’s okay not to know everything. It freed me from feeling compelled to try to misrepresent myself or to feel a need to hide inadequacies. Despite the deceptive name, imposter syndrome is real.

People (myself included) can do some seriously funky things when they are trying to characterize themselves as something like perfect.  We can become defensive, shift blame, or other forms of deflection. We can even become passive aggressive. I’m not passive aggressive, unlike some people I know. Or we can become condescending. Condescending means talking down to someone (These are memes….not personal statements. And they’re hilarious memes, at that).

I don’t want to do those things. I want to keep focused on the values that cause us all to be passionate about the work and celebrate successes. I also need to be aware of areas in which I have room for growth. “Everybody gets a trophy” doesn’t do too well for encouraging people to continue to live to their potential.

You may not be in the same spot as me, gearing up for your job change and avoiding gigantic office spiders. Even so, there’s still value in everyone knowing that you don’t have to “know it all.” I’m grateful for those who can be still in their humility and live as an example for others. Those who embody the quote; ““Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” (C.S..Lewis, probably). We are lucky to have you. I’m also thankful in advance for the grace from everyone when I say “I don’t know” a whole lot here soon. Please know I’m not trying to be difficult. I’m just being brave (bwah ha!)

Thanks for reading!