I made a cute little narwhal the other day. He was a part of a bigger, uh…art installation (?) from the Elf movie. Somehow dolphins got mentioned in my 6 am workout. Me, ever being full of social grace, declared “I made a narwhal last night.” All my attempts to engage in human interaction are awkward. This one was no different.
“A narwhal?”
“Yea. Those whales with that big spike on their heads.”
Several faces looked back at me in complete disbelief. “Like a unicorn?”
“…uh…yah…”
“Are you sure that’s real?”
I’m often good at convincing myself that unreal things exist, but I was pretty sure narwhals weren’t just cartoons in movies. But I’d never seen one. I’d never written an elementary school paper on one. I really was just taking it for granted that they are real. Much like how I believe that that moon landing happened. Not a question for me at all. But my workout buddies were so convinced that such a weird animal couldn’t possibly be.
Time froze as I wondered if I’d been duped. I don’t think bigfoot is real. I also don’t think there’s such a thing as chupacabre (though it’s one my favorite words to say.) But there I was in the middle of a 6 am impasse. Their conviction that I was wrong caused me to doubt. Hard.
Luckily in today’s modern times, all the information or misinformation you could ever want is right there at your fingertips. There was a quick google followed by “Oh my GAWD!”
The workout was derailed for just a moment as we reviewed pictures of whales who, in fact, do have spikes on their heads.
“Look at this picture of them fighting…!” “Can you imagine how scary it would be to see one of these in the ocean?!”
I can not express enough the amount of relief I felt. Whilst that search was occurring, I wondered if this was the beginning of the end. What other things would I believe that aren’t true? Maybe those phone calls are accurate and there is a warrant for my arrest that I can clear up by pressing 1 and sharing my financial information?! Or maybe I do need to talk to someone about my car’s extended warranty?!
The thought of me possibly being so wrong about reality amused me, so I shared the story throughout the day. Turns out here’s a lot of people who didn’t know narwhals existed. My search algorithms have been forever altered. I’m informed that one can complete a virtual narwhal adoption for $60. I also learned about a violent crime carried out by way of narwhal tusk attach. It was an educational experience all around.
I know that I’m not super street saavy. And I know that my increased narwhal knowledge doesn’t bump up my street cred. Also, I’m sure that I’m going to fall for something today. Maybe I’ll believe that I’ll be totally ready for Christmas by the end of the day or some other misguided beliefs. But, at least I know confidently where I stand on the question of the existence of narwhals. And somedays, that all the victory a girl could hope for.
Thanks for reading!
Bifocals and Barbells 