“Sorry!”

“Is it too late now to say sorry?” I’m sure everyone who reads this is a hardcore Justin Bieber fan and recognizes that lyric. But there’s maybe some words here for the non Bel-iebers too.

Sorry is a word that’s intended to encompass a lot of power. It’s a recognition of wrong-doing, and a declaration of intent to change. I don’t know if it was the interweb, grad school, or a church billboard where I saw this; “the best apology is a changed behavior.” The way I read that was, “don’t say you’re sorry for the thing, behave in a way that is the opposite of the thing.”

For whatever reason, we live in a time when words mean more than action. Some celebrity or public figure will do some thing today that folks think is worthy of public apology. They’ll talk to their “public apology” consultant and craft the proper statement to express their responsibility for their error, and efforts to make amends.

Por ejemplo; the other day I accidentally clicked on a “news” button on Facebook. An “article” was front and center about Jennifer Love Hewitt’s heartfelt apology that because she’d been using an emoji wrong. I don’t know who she is. I don’t care. And I care even less about her use of emojis. Nevertheless, here we be still.

“But she’s just a caring celebrity who wants to make sure she’s not offensive. How dare you?!”

Maybe. So I tried to do a random search of public figures and the words “public apology.” I’m lazy when it comes to research for my blog, but I can tell you that Leonardo DiCaprio and Carlos Santana have google-able public apologies. What I can’t tell you, is how I landed on those two to search.

I think the over use of “sorry” and public apologies is a symptom of our current time when we’re operating as though everyone needs think and feel the same way. There was a time when differing opinions were accepted as just that.

If you don’t believe me, think back to the controversy when Marie Osmond was a little bit country and her brother, Donnie, was a little bit rock and roll. (bwah ha). They used diversity to their advantage. Donnie didn’t get offended that she wasn’t a little bit rock and roll, and Marie didn’t need him to apologize. It’s an oversimplification obviously, but we need diversity to make progress.

I haven’t been wronged and am waiting for an apology that is a changed behavior. And I’m not looking to get out of apologizing for anything of my own. I’m just observing that the act of apologizing has become something other than I feel it should.

Also por ejemplo; there I was,…fueling my very brakey car at the gas station. Clearly, in between fueling my car and driving away; I’d seen something shiny. I thought I heard someone call out. I opened my door and looked back to see I’d left the fuel door open. Some helpful woman had noticed it and perhaps wanted me to be spared some embarrassment. I thanked her, and she called back,…. “Sorry!”

Why? I was a dork and left my fuel door open, and she was apologizing to me. Weird.

In the midst of all this social pressure to apologize, folks have wound up saying sorry for things they don’t need to. Please don’t feel like you need to apologize just for the sake of it. And if you do, know that I may force you to listen to the Biebs “Sorry” song.

Thanks for reading!