Take It

The list of things I’m bad at is pretty robust. But before you fling your sympathy my way for today’s topic, know there’s a good chance you’re bad at it too. Often we all are really bad at accepting compliments.

As with any rule, there are exceptions. We all know that guy who’s pretty sure he or she is the shit. Or the misguided person who’s pretty convinced that everyone they meet wants to make babies with them. But in my experience, those folks are rare. Thankfully! Because they are super annoying and frankly a menace.

For the most part, folks just suck at hearing positive things. I’m sure there’s deep seeded reasons for it. Maybe it’s the conditioning about how it’s not okay to be a braggart. Maybe it’s that we’ve spent too much time living the “everyone gets a trophy” life and now we shirk away from recognition. And maybe sometimes it’s that we can’t genuinely believe the compliment.

Whatever the reason, it’s fucked up and we need to stop.

A classic way to ruin a compliment is to offer some reason to dismiss the kind words just said. When we do this, we can accidently be insulting to the kind-word-giver. Say someone tells you they like your hair, and you respond with “It looks bad.”

A takeaway for the giver could be, “okay, guess I’ll just keep my opinion to myself next time.” Is that what we want? No. But what’s the motivation for the person to share kind words if in your attempts to be humble, you essentially tell them they’re wrong? You should say “thank you,” period.

I’m unsure how we can get better at taking compliments. Perhaps a nice support group in is order. We can journal about why we suck at hearing positivity. Or maybe we just all need to give each other the following permission; if I dismiss your compliment, you can deliver a crisp slap to my face or throat punch(because sometimes violence is the answer).

Flatterer: “You’re really good at drawing”

Recipient: “I’m not really that good”

Flatterer: “I SAID, you’re GOOD at DRAWING!” *promptly delivers serpent’s head strike to the throat

Recipient: (after clutching throat and recovering coughs out), “Thank you.”

Change would happen quickly, I’m sure.

We need to do less compliment dodging. Humility has it’s place, but so does confidence. In instances such as job interviews and general daily living; it’s okay to know that you’re good at things and say that out loud. And while it’s important to have our own internal locus of control in our positive opinions, it’s also important to for us see those opinions reflected in others.

Doubt? Okay, have you ever heard or said “do these jeans make my butt look big?”

It’s one of history’s most classic baits used in the practice that is compliment fishing.

Despite how much we need to improve on just fucking taking it, a compliment disclaimer may be still needed. Sometimes accolades really are used as a means of manipulation. Luckily there’s a couple easy responses to that too. If you’re worried that the person giving the positivity isn’t being genuine, you can still just say “thank you” and move on. You aren’t beholden to anyone who says nice things and the “thank you” covers you in case maybe they’re being sincere. You may encounter a creeper driving the van with  “free candy” spray painted where the back windows don’t exist. If he (or she, to be gender neutral) gives you a compliment, you do not owe him (or her) anything. Do not get in the van.

In summary; compliment, good. Creeper in van giving out candy with compliments, bad. So move foraes knowing your hair probably looks great today, and it’s okay to know it.

Thanks for reading!