We didn’t find out what gender babies we were having. And even though I’m old AF, there was technology more advanced than holding a ring on a string above your swollen belly to determine your baby’s sex. I wanted no part of it. There’s not a lot better than a genuine “I did not see that coming” surprise nowadays.
I knew I wanted at least one man-child, so I was elated to hear the “it’s a boy” declaration when Daniel was born. I just assumed that my next kid would be a girl. Not that it was something I needed or anything that would’ve caused disappointed if it didn’t happen, it’s just what I thought would would occur. As a result, the first words Dirty heard from his mommy on the outs were “Huh. Another boy.”
God/the universe/whatever absolutely knew what they were doing when the plan was made for me to be a boy mom. I can’t braid hair, I like things that are fast and loud, my sense of humor is perpetually stuck at 14 year old boy, I curse, and I handle other’s people’s emotions like shit.
Also, I’m not super feminine. There was a minute when the director of Youth and Family, Ralph, was worried that the dads we worked with were surrounded by only estrogen. “We don’t have any guys working in Redding except for Crystal.” Maybe it was intended to be offensive. It wasn’t.
So, yea. Destined to be a boy mom. Put Danny in a Carhartt coat, put Dirty in Danny’s last Carhartt coat, turn them loose, and watch them grow and explore. Enjoy every random or filthy thing they do. Watch them as they learn how things work by trial and error. Spend a summer listening to frequent statements of “deez nutz” followed by crackling voice giggles. Every little experience building on the next until they become the profoundly amazing young men that they are today. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
As I take a bran flake out of my sports bra when I, in fact, have not eaten bran flakes today; I recognize that it may not have gone so well if I’d been charged with raising a girl. Kudos to those who raise warrior princesses. They truly are lucky to have you to guide them into a futures of strength and fiery spirits. They’re especially lucky to have you if you can do that AND braid hair or do the make-up thing. Everything I know about eye shadow I learned from South Park when Cartman was a lady wrestler.
As for us boy moms; it’s a special club. Hit us up if you need any advice on how to locate and eradicate smells. Or if you want some reassurance that the weird shoulder bump thing they do is probably them showing boy affection. Just don’t be surprised when we snicker if anyone says “balls.”
Bifocals and Barbells 