Everything is a Competition

I have what some would say is a “problem” with competition.

It’s a thing I’d hope to grow out of, but that kind of maturity seems to have alluded me.

Of course there are upsides to being competitive, it causes drive, focus, perseverance etc., etc. But man. Those downsides are embarrassing. Even the synonyms for the word are unsettling: gung-ho, bloodthirsty, aggressive. None of that sounds like labels I want to wear.

I like to pretend that I have it under wraps. That maybe people can’t tell that I am so uh….spirited. But people know. In a big meeting once, we were asked if we’d made new year’s resolutions. I’d said that I was going to work on being less competitive. The hysterical laughter from the crowd was a rather clear sign that I’m not as secretive as I’d like to be. I revised that resolution. I intended to get better at cutting vegetables more uniformly.  I did pretty well at that one.

The competitive nature has persisted over time. When it appears, it’s not necessarily rational. If I was aggressive and needed to fight off wild animals for food for my family, that’d be fine. But when I make a fake race with the neighbor, there’s no benefit to behold. Poor Suzy. She had no idea that for months we were racing to see who get out the door fastest to get our kids to school. The fact that she didn’t know made my losses sting even harder.

If you’re wondering if I was able to let my kids win board games when they were little, yes. Not without some eye twitching, but yes. When they figured out games and such though, naw. Perhaps this is why young Dirty would angrily sweep the Payday board clean ruining the game when he was losing. I think conquering something should feel good. It’s probably wrong for me to think like this, but easy things hold less value. It’s difficult to appreciate hard work when everybody gets a trophy.

I hope that my nature doesn’t make me come across as overly self-important. I want to do better at the things I do, but I want you to do better also. I like being pushed, so the better Suzy is at getting her kids out the door, the better I will have to be too. Doing better by others doesn’t mean doing less yourself. It’s not a pie. We can all do better together.

I guess that, like most things, it all comes down to balance. That perfect sweet spot in between passive and cutthroat. If you’ve found it, please let me know your secrets. I’ll take on information with an open, and try really hard to squash thoughts about trying to be even more balanced than you. Bwah ha!