“Normal is a setting on the dryer” -Harley Quinn (and prolly like a million others)
What is normal? Normal gets defined by our own experiences and tolerances. Our brains have an incredible capacity to normalize events. What may be completely “normal” at my house may never be considered at your house. Don’t worry, I’m not going all dark on this, I’m just saying that what we each think is normal is completely up to the lenses from which we see it.
I remember going to dinner at the house of friends when we were in our 20’s. It was a full-on sit down gig on a Sunday night. I said, “Can you believe that our parents’ generation would sit down like this for dinner every night!?” Three sets of eyes stared back at me in confusion. I stared confused back. Then it hit. They all had sat down to dinner every night in their homes as children. Whoa. There is not singular thing wrong with how I was raised, but sitting down to dinner was not normal at my house.
My kids will have their own a-ha moments as they figure out what things they experienced that others of their time did not. “You’re saying that your mom DIDN’T hide creepy dolls around to scare you?” That’s okay. Some future therapist of theirs can thank me for great clients to work with. But deciding where our normal starts and stops does not end with childhood.
Everyday we cruise through our existence categorizing events as to whether or not they are normal. Definitions for the boundaries that define normal are deeply personal; I got mine, you got yours. But they are also flexible. We pick and choose what’s normal. Sometimes, exposure to alternate experiences helps us say, “that normal is no longer acceptable for me. I choose a new normal.” That freedom is what allows us to continue to improve.
Need proof? Ask an addict in recovery for something that used to seem normal, but now is unthinkable. Ask the person staving off health complications through their focus on diet and exercise. Ask the guy who fucking grew a mustache. What was normal for them has shifted. We can change our circumstances by deciding what we will and will not allow to consider normal.
Years ago a wise friend told me that “indecision is a decision.” She’s so very right. Normal will define itself if you’re content to sit back and let it.
I’m not saying that people are broken. Maybe normal is the exact right dryer setting for your needs. But if not, don’t be afraid to turn that knob and adjust what normal is. Know your worth, and settle for nothing less than the normal that you desire.
Bifocals and Barbells 