The Johari Window gives some framework to perceptions about self. Again, I’m not a wise person so I’ll probably fuck up the explanation, but it’s something like this:
We all have four quadrants that make up our Johari Window. They are:
- The things we know about selves that we share with the world (all the things you put on blast in your life, the bumper stickers representing your values and such)
- The things we know about ourselves that we keep to ourselves (the things that make you scared about the prospect of going under anesthesia because you’re worried it’ll all come out)
- The areas of ourselves that we’re wonderfully oblivious to, but are freaking blaring to others.
- The things that nobody (including ourselves) know about (the stuff you don’t even know that you don’t know)
With the exception of maybe seeing a picture posted of yourself walking a helium filled shark down California Street; for the most part, we don’t know how we look through other people’s eyes. The “how others see you, but you don’t see yourself” is the corner of the Johari Window where there’s the best chance for personal growth. But we have to work for it. And,…ugh!…be open to feedback.
I hope I’m not alone in my experience of thinking that I came across in a certain way only to learn that my message came out completely different. I remember making a very sincere apology to a co worker about my tantrum. Only to have her say “what tantrum?” In my head, I was a raving lunatic about the situation. I guess that’s not how it looked. Of course, there’s been other times where I’ve been certain I’ve behaved appropriately. Only to be told “not so much.”
So, we are at the mercy of perceptions and the lenses of others. We can’t put all our stock in that. I can’t control how you perceive my actions. But I can take in feedback and see if it’s aligned with what was my intention.
I say all that to say this,…this one time, at the lake,…I THOUGHT I was being sassy and indeed, the video evidence proved I WAS being sassy.
I was with the Paolis. (Many a great story starts like this) Someone had the misfortune of tossing their patio off their trailer. If you’ve spent any time at a boat launch, you know that boat launches are hot beds of disaster waiting to occur. There’s zero shame in a fail happening. It was just your turn. Next weekend will be someone else’s turn. Being with a group of instinctual helpers, several from our group went to aid.
One of the patio boat people was losing her shit about everything, including how Sally and I were continuing to enjoy our day even though we couldn’t get on the lake because gravity and their patio boat. We took it for a minute. Then, my brain said “say something.”
My intention was to be clear and demonstrate that we weren’t to be bullied. I wondered if this was going be one of those moments where I thought I’d try to sound tough but really REALLY wouldn’t. When I saw video later and heard my venomous “Look! Knock it off or I will pull 500lbs of help off your project right now!” I realized I’d sounded just bitchy as I’d hoped.
So on that day, I got to see how I was perceived by others and that the perception matched my intention. I also probably also made a little progress in understanding some of that window where we don’t know ourselves. “Man! I flipped that bitch switch fast. That had to come from somewhere.”
If you’re wanting to learn more about your Johari Window, ask a friend. Or better yet, as an adversary. If you don’t have one, go to a boat launch and wait just a little bit. *WINCE!
Bifocals and Barbells 